Saturday 16 June 2012

Oil Pulling

Now this is a fancinating thing i have recently discovered through my research to find various methods to improve my health. It is a process of swishing oil in ones mouth for 15-20mins each morning. It realises toxins from the body and aids in the healing process of many ailments. I have just started this so are yet to notice any benefits but i will certainly keep track of how this goes for me. There is just to much info to post on here so here is the link on it for those interested in giving it a go.
 http://oilpulling.com/index.htm

Long overdue update

Well what a past few months it has been. We went to Hamilton and saw the specialist and was all booked to have my surgery last week. After more investigating about help i would be entitled to we found out that there was funding from the hospital for me to have my treatment done in Sydney so i dont have to go privately. Some how somewhere along the lines my case wasnt handle right and i now have a oncology nurse supporting me through this process and asking all the questions for us. So now we are awaiting a date from Sydney hospital for my surgery. During my wait i have taken some very long overdue time to look after myself and im feeling amazing. Infact i havent felt this good in years. I will do some more blogs over the next few days of things i have been doing to get myself in the best shape i can.

Monday 19 March 2012

Treatment Options in this Country

I have always been pleased over the years with my endo surgeries and treatment i have received from wait times to the hospital staff. I have never complained at all about it as i was always seen in a timely manner and happy but get cancer and its a whole different story!!

About 2 weeks ago we saw my surgeon here in Nelson again just to go over some more questions we had. While there she rung the specialist in Waikato to clarify some things only to be told that i can not be seen via the public system will need to seek treatment privately. I said oh ok so there will be a long wait then on the public list and the reply was so you can not go on the public wait list at all.

At this stage we had no idea if my insurance would cover the treatment or not so i was slightly stressed at been told if you dont have insurance to pay or pay yourself you will need to look at other options (which there is none) Thankfully my insurance although only verbal has said my surgical cover will cover this treatment i need which is great. However it does not cover me getting to Hamilton for my consult with the specialist so i can even get on his surgical wait list.

So this is where the problem starts, because i have to go privately to recieve the treatment the hospital now can not offer me any help. The consult prior to this one we were told they will help with expenses to get us up there to the surgeon so now we are left on our own to come up with funds to cover this. My insurance will refund the consultation fee but not until i have had the surgery treatment. I havent even asked about the help they said i would get after surgery homehelp, personal cares etc it would be the last straw to find out i wont get any help when I come home from it.

We are looking at approx $1500-$1800 just for our trip up there for 2 days. We just do not have anywhere near that sort of $$ and have no idea how we are going to come up with that. It is now starting to really stress me that it has now been 4 months since my diagnoses and im no closer to recieving any treatment at all. To be honest i am completely dumbfounded that how in a country like ours you can find out you have cancer but cant get the treatment you needed.

We are now in the position i will need to look at possibly closing my shop down and having to go and find a part time job to try and fund the expenses we will incur. Which is another problem who will want to hire someone that will then need 2 months off work to recover from the surgery and chemo. We could sell our house which is in our plan to do anyway but still need to finish it before we can put it on the market which to finish need $$. So its all just a circle of dead end streets that lead us back to nothing.

So at the moment im super stressed, confused and angry that we are in this position.

Thursday 8 March 2012

Don't Hide Behind that Camera

One more quick post for the day. If you are like me and are always on the end of the camera or hide from it because you hate photos, think you arent photogenic etc. STOP!! if something happens and you arent around tomorrow your family and your kids couldnt careless what you looked like. What i think is most important is they have photos of you with them to look back on and enjoy.

My number one thing on my bucket list is to get more photos with my daughter and with my husband so they will always have them as a keepsake to look back on should they ever need to. Even if you dont take good photos at least they can look at you and have a good laugh if you look funny right.

Stage of Grief next one for me Acceptance

Acceptance a word, emotion, action this is something i never thought i would do is accept my situation. i have to admit im a bit suprise at how quickly i have come to this point. I mean 4 week ago if someone had told me "its ok you will come to accept it and deal with it" i would have told them to buggar off ( in a nice way of course i mean i wouldnt want to rock that good karma right) But i actually do feel a huge sense of acceptance and a sense of ok then this is what i have been dealt, yip is damn crappy, but im going to get through this and do the majority of it with a smile.

People i think find me strange, im laughing about it and laughing in general. I actually feel really happy and have a sense of grounding i havent felt in years. Im taking more enjoyment in the little things and now taking more time to sit enjoy my family and everyday life. Its prompted me to get wills sorted, get our house organised, im in the process of doing a photo album up to get printed as a book for my daughter. Im starting with her first 5 years so she will always have a keep sake of all those little things that are just in my head.

This will sound really odd but in a way im kinda grateful that im going through this it is giving me such a different out look on life and how we are living our lives. Dont get me wrong i am not at all one bit happy about the surgery and recovery i will have to endure and i am going to try and remain positive that i will be that 50% that will beat this. If i end up not been then i am lucky i should have about 10-15 years (they really have no idea) to live my life to the best of my ability.

Sooo acceptance is a kinda nice place to be right now. We still have alot of stresses to work through with regards to recieving my surgery and finances (will be the next post on this drama) but im stearing my energys and time into alternatives to help me through this and give me the best chances of remission i can.

Stages of Grief next one Anger

I have to say i have never been so flippen angry as what i have been going through this. I have screamed, cursed and just physically felt sick with anger that this is happening to me. I mean come on this sort of things happens to other people right??? turns out im one of those other people.

I was so hurt and angry that life has ripped me off, i mean come on who the hell does life think it is to shorten my lifespan? I have never felt a sense of entitlement but feel i dont deserve this at all. I felt life had no right to do this to me especially not after putting me through 10 years of trying to have babies, surrogacy, adoption, endless surgeries (13 of them) years of IVF and drugs to try and concieve, postnatal depression the list goes on. I truely believed i have paid my dues and this next part of my life was going to be cruisy and the way i deserved it to be.

I have been so angry that i might not see my baby grow up and have babies, get married all those things as a mother you want to see your children do and experience with them. Most of all im angry that my husband and daughter have to go through this as well as it is so hard on them. Not to mention the financial pressure we are now under is just insane and we havent even started treatment.

I have spent sometime searching for someone to blame including myself and the higher powers and come to the conclusion there is no one to blame its just a absolute freak random thing and its happened to me. 1 in 2 million what are the odds of that huh, perhaps i need to look at it as im special to be that 1:)

Stages of Grief 3rd one for me is Bargining.

Well i cant tell you how much i have tried to bargin my way out of this situation. I have tried bargining with drs, myself and anyone upstairs that will listen. Needless to say i havent got far lol. I spent weeks telling myself that i need to try harder, work harder, be a nicer person the list goes on and on. I spent alot of time talking to myself and in my head bargining with a higher power in any spiritual sense.

I have to say none of this has made any sense to me at all. I am a stronger believer in karma and what goes around comes around so i have always tried to do good things in my life because i believe those good things will come back around one day. So to find out i have cancer was a bit of a "what the hell you have got to be kidding me moment"

Reality is it doesnt matter how hard i have tried to live by my karma theory and continue to try and live by it, it sadly hasnt changed the innevitable. I still keep coming back to the same 2 options, dont have treatment and have the treatment. Both options kinda suck!!