I have to say i have never been so flippen angry as what i have been going through this. I have screamed, cursed and just physically felt sick with anger that this is happening to me. I mean come on this sort of things happens to other people right??? turns out im one of those other people.
I was so hurt and angry that life has ripped me off, i mean come on who the hell does life think it is to shorten my lifespan? I have never felt a sense of entitlement but feel i dont deserve this at all. I felt life had no right to do this to me especially not after putting me through 10 years of trying to have babies, surrogacy, adoption, endless surgeries (13 of them) years of IVF and drugs to try and concieve, postnatal depression the list goes on. I truely believed i have paid my dues and this next part of my life was going to be cruisy and the way i deserved it to be.
I have been so angry that i might not see my baby grow up and have babies, get married all those things as a mother you want to see your children do and experience with them. Most of all im angry that my husband and daughter have to go through this as well as it is so hard on them. Not to mention the financial pressure we are now under is just insane and we havent even started treatment.
I have spent sometime searching for someone to blame including myself and the higher powers and come to the conclusion there is no one to blame its just a absolute freak random thing and its happened to me. 1 in 2 million what are the odds of that huh, perhaps i need to look at it as im special to be that 1:)
No comments:
Post a Comment